Tangle of Contradictions
by SunniGummi
Summary: Alice desperately wants to go to a party with her mate, but Jasper always refuses as he fears his control might slip. When she calms him, telling him he will be fine because she saw it, he eventually agrees to come. Unfortunately she never had a vision about the party ... Warning: contains spanking in later chapters! If it offends you, do yourself a favour and don't read it.
1. Chapter 1

**Hello, dear readers!**

**Here comes the winner of the poll - a Jasper/Carlisle story! It was finished two days ago, but I couldn't find a title that would fit :-( Luckily I got help (Thank you so much, Cumor!) and now here it is :-)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. The characters belong to Stephenie Meyer ... I just like to spin them around until they get dizzy and throw up.**

* * *

"_Please_, Jasper, just this once!" Alice begged while she was kneeling on the shag rug in front of the bed he was sitting on. To make it even harder for him to say no, she clasped her hands together beseechingly and made her eyes look big, sad and pleading.

Immediately he hung his head, knowing that he wouldn't be able to resist much longer when she was looking at him like that. With a pained expression on his pale face, he whispered, "Alice-"

Sensing that he wasn't going to give in, she just continued with her pleading. "Just this once!"

"Alice-" Again he tried to say something, but his sweet wife didn't seem to notice or care. She inched forward on her knees, a whiny noise leaving her throat before she carried on.

"You need to try something new!"

"Alice-"

"I promise that you will enjoy yourself!"

"_Alice!_"

When he raised his voice, she rocked back on her heels and blinked at him in surprise. "Yes?" she asked, a hint of hope in her voice. He lifted his head to look at her and instantly felt his breath catch his throat when their eyes met. These beautiful, golden eyes that looked right back at him - oh, how he could lose himself in them …

Focussing back on the here and now he saw that he was frowning - he hadn't realised that he was, but as he could see himself reflected in her eyes he noticed a deep frown etched on his face.

Yes, he would have to crush the hope that was building up inside of his bubbly wife, disappoint her once more. Soon these beautiful eyes would turn sad - all because of him.

And now she even started smiling. _Oh no, love, please don't do that to me ..._

Shaking his head, he gently seized her by the elbow and helped her up so she could sit down next to him on the bed.

"Alice, I can't," he said apologetically, his voice soft. "It's too early. Please understand that."

She just looked at him, this time not saying a word. It was hard for her to give up, knowing that nothing would change if she did. He liked to pretend that he was perfectly content with staying home all the time, but she knew that it wasn't true. But maybe pestering him wasn't the right way …

She lay down on her side, her head resting in his lap, and pouted up at him. "It's just a party..."

He groaned internally.

_Of course it's just a party … but a party with humans. That could easily turn into a drinking orgy, and I would be the only one enjoying it._

With these thoughts in mind, he let out a long sigh while running his hand through her short, dark hair. "I know, and going to a party with you sounds wonderful, darlin'. But I don't have the necessary control ... please understand that."

"How would you know if you never try it?" She blinked her eyes at him and reached her hand up to play with a lock of his blonde hair. She curled it around her finger and pulled a little, causing him to reach up and take her hand in his before her pulling could become painful.

Placing a soft kiss on her knuckles, he said, "Sweetheart, it's not possible. I can barely walk down the main road without feeling the urge to kill every single person that walks past me."

"But ... maybe that's the problem. You expect to feel the pain in your throat flare up and then it happens, of course. Maybe you just need to be thrown in at the deep end and then you'll see that it isn't that bad."

He looked away for a moment. "We had to move because of me. Several times. I cannot let that happen again, love." Even though everybody assured him that moving was no big deal for them and that he shouldn't dwell on it, he was ashamed. He was ashamed for being the weakest link, for being the one who posed the biggest threat to his lovely wife's life. He couldn't even dare to look her in the eye while he spoke these words, but forced himself to swallow down the shame and guilt, and look back into her lovely face.

"It is just not possible for me to go to a party with you, I'm sorry," he said.

She sat up, placing her delicate hands on either side of his face while gazing deeply into his eyes. They were slightly darker than before, she noticed – talking about his bloodlust was affecting him more than he would ever admit. "I don't want you to be inside all day ... I want you to have fun."

Seizing her hands in his, he started smirking at her. "But we can have fun right here, darling."

A giggle left her mouth. "That's not what I meant," she said, pulling her legs up to hug them to her chest. She wanted to talk about this now, not let him distract her.

"I want you to be able to leave the house without being afraid that you're going to kill someone ... I want you to go to school with us again and go to parties and malls and the movies."

Of course she wanted that, he thought. He wanted it, too, but not if it put his family or humans in danger. "Soon, Alice. I just need a little more time."

Her face scrunched up. "Soon? How soon?"

"A few years, maybe."

Her eyes bulged. "That's not soon," she stated petulantly while shaking her head. "Soon is this Saturday when you go to the party with me," she corrected and crossed her arms over her chest like a stubborn child.

Before he could reply, Esme's gentle voice rang up to them. She called for Alice and after letting out a groan, Alice got up and opened the door to answer. "Yes, Esme?"

"_I'm ready, dear, we can leave now!_"

Alice's shoulders slumped. She had been looking forward to going shopping with Esme, but now she would much prefer to try getting husband to agree to going to the party with her. She wanted him to loosen up, have fun and see that he didn't need to be stuck inside the house all day. If he would only see what he was missing out on, then it would be much easier for him to ignore his bloodlust. He would be distracted by all the beautiful things he could do - he would be free, not a victim of his vampire instincts anymore. That's what she wanted for him.

"I'll be right there!" she replied, then turned around to look at Jasper. "Would you come with us?"

"No, I think I'll read for a while. You go have fun, Alice."

A groan of frustration left her lips. "You have all eternity to read, Jazz! Come on, first we'll go to the supermarket and buy food we don't like and would never eat!"

When he just looked at her weirdly, she added, "It's fun!"

He slowly shook his head. It was so hard having to crush her hopes again and again, but he did not feel comfortable making the family move so often. While he had been a major in the Confederate Army as a human, and then the second-in-command of a coven fighting in the Southern vampire wars, he did not succeed in getting himself – a single person - under control. The problem was that he had spent the better part of his vampire existence draining humans without wasting a single thought about the many lives he ended and families he destroyed - women became widows, children orphans ... he did not have a conscience that let him stop and think about it. While their emotions had effected him, the consequences of his doing did not.

But now that their lives were so strongly interwoven with the human world, he felt horrible for being such a weak person. Especially now that he was surrounded by vampires who were in complete control of their bloodlust and lived lives as though they were still human. All he did was sit inside and wait for them to come back home. It was sad and boring, but at least it was safe.

He just did not trust himself to keep his thirst under control for hours without slipping up and attacking someone. There was too much at stake ... he didn't want to be the one who endangered his wonderful Alice, or the rest of this loving family; he didn't want to be the one who changed someone's life forever by killing that person's parent or partner or child. Siblings, friends … whoever was unfortunate enough to cross his path when his bloodlust resurfaced.

Living in this family environment made this fear even more prominent, now that he once again experienced what the love of a family was. He could not bear to lose a single one of them ... and that's what kept him in this house while the others went on with their lives like they had never been turned.

"I think I'll stick to my plan and read, but thank you," he said and got up from the bed.

Alice groaned again, then walked over to him, got on her tiptoes and kissed him on the lips. Her eyes were sad when she pulled away and gazed at him through dark lashes. "Being inside all day won't help you gain more self-control."

He didn't say anything, because there was nothing he could say that he hadn't told her before.

Alice walked over to the door and opened it, but before she could step outside and close the door behind her, Jasper said, "Have a good time, darlin'."

"You too," she replied, giving him a small smile.

He just stood there, frozen in place, and listened to his mate's soft footsteps heading down the stairs and into the garage where Esme was waiting for her. A moment later, and the distinct sound of a car being started sounded up to him.

_Well, at least she will have fun now ..._

Instead of reaching for his book lying on the bedside table, Jasper let himself fall backwards on the big bed, covering his face with both his hands while groaning loudly.

Great ... he was constantly making his wife sad because of his lousy self-control. When it had been only the two of them, they had spent ever single second together. Nothing could separate them ... and now he was at home and she went shopping.

"You didn't get any last night, huh?"

Pulling his hands off his face, he looked in the direction of where the voice was coming from, and instantly felt like groaning again.

Emmett, his dear brother, was peeking into the room with a stupid grin on his face. His hair was combed up into a perfect jelly roll, and the distinct smell of Brylcreem started to fill the room.

"Hey Meat, the door was open," Emmett remarked and walked inside, then came to a halt right in front of Jasper, who started frowning at his brother's audacious behaviour. Entering without knocking or waiting to be invited inside … so Emmett.

"I did not ask you to come in," Jasper stated while sitting up and stretching his neck a little.

"Oh, you don't have to ask, it's no trouble at all," Emmett replied with a wave of his hand.

Maybe he should be glad that Emmett came here to keep him entertained, he realised, because his emotions were giving him a break of his own ones. His brother was a tad bored and excited at the same time - like he wanted to do something but didn't quite know what exactly it was that he wanted to do.

"Emmett-"

"Come, let's do something," Emmett said and pointed with his thumb in the direction of the hallway.

Jasper knew that Emmett still didn't have a plan what he wanted to do, and that's why it was better to stay in here. Emmett was spontaneous – and more often than not that was bad and reeked of trouble.

"Please, Em, not now."

Emmett cocked his head to the side, frowning. "Why?"

"I'm busy."

That answer did not make his brother go away, but scrunch his face up in confusion. "Busy doing what? Groaning? That's not busy ... that's just stupid."

"Actually, I was just about to read," Jasper told him and pointed at the bulky book to his left.

"Yeah ... no, seriously. You can read all you want while we're at school," he told him and shook his head. Then suddenly his eyes widened in excitement. "School, by the way, is so funny ... today Edward was -"

"Emmett, I really just need a little time to myself. Alice is -"

"Ah, I see ... Alice is not putting out, and now you need a little time for ... I understand," he said, then started laughing like a hyena.

Jasper rolled his eyes at his seriously immature brother. "No, you genius, I need time to _think_," he corrected, making Emmett stop and look at him.

"Think about what?"

Letting out a sigh, Jasper said, "Alice thinks I should leave the house more often." Maybe talking about it would help ...

Clapping his hands together, Emmett exclaimed, "Great, let's go outside!" Then he marched back to the door, joy and excitement radiating off of him.

But Jasper did not move. "No, I don't want to."

And that put a damper on Emmett's spirits. The smile on his face faltered instantly and his shoulders sacked. "Ever since our last move you are no fun, Jazz."

"Does that surprise you?" Jasper asked, almost sounding annoyed while he reached for his book. "We had to move because of me."

"So what?" Emmett asked and let himself fall onto the bed, propping his head up on his palm.

The force from the impact caused the mattress to bounce, and Jasper cleared his throat when he felt it and saw his brother getting comfortable on his and Alice's bed. "I don't want to let that happen again, Emmett," he said.

Emmett, being the sympathetic person that he was, snorted and rolled his eyes. "You drained an old geezer who didn't even have any family left. Geez, that dude was like Ebenezer Scrooge ... who cares? It's no big deal. Life goes on, brother."

_Life goes on ... _while that was true for them, it wasn't true for the old man he had killed. It didn't matter if he had been a horrible person or a loving grandfather - he was dead now. Dead because of him.

"First of all, Ebenezer Scrooge had a nephew, and second of all: I'm not sure if you are the right person to talk to about that."

"About old people?"

_Emmett, just pay attention for a change … _"No, about killing."

"What makes you think that? I _am_ the right person, try me!"

Giving him a scrutinizing look, he then let out a sigh. "It isn't as easy as you make it sound it is. I don't want to slip again."

"Duh! Then just don't," Emmett replied and shook his head, like he thought his brother was just being silly. It _was_ that easy, after all.

"What do you know? You're still a child," Jasper grumbled and heard Emmett laugh.

"Come on, let's do something fun," Emmett said, punching his brother's shoulder.

"Why don't you go ask Edward?"

"I did, but when I tried to give him a Melvin, he told me to flake off. He wants to do his homework ... pff, what a candyass."

"Maybe you should do the same?" Jasper suggested. _And stop touching other people's underwear?_

"Nah, homework is a hang-up. I'd rather do something fun!"

"Rosalie," Jasper suddenly said and nodded at his bulky brother, who seemed determined to spend the rest of his day bothering him. No, he needed to give him other ideas, as quickly as possible.

"She went shopping with Esme and Alice ... said something about new Go-Go boots," he wriggled his eyebrows, then winked. "I'm a lucky man, my wife's a fox."

_Oooh ... bummer._

Jasper quickly thought about who else could be in the house and entertain his brother until Rose would come back home. "Carlisle?"

"No way, Jose," Emmett said and shook his head with a panicky look on his face. Then he scooted closer to Jasper and whispered, "I heard Esme telling him that someone would need to mow the lawn. He'll do it himself as long as we aren't stupid enough to go looking for him. We cannot let him see us."

_Oh no ..._

Even though Jasper didn't have much to do while being at home and he was bored most of the time, he wasn't desperate enough to volunteer doing yard work. He absolutely detested yard work - and apparently he wasn't the only one.

When he heard faint footsteps heading up the stairs, Jasper glanced at the door, then back at his brother. "Ehm, Em ... what if _he_ comes looking for _us_?"

Emmett's eyes widened when he realised that he hadn't thought about that.

"Window?" Jasper asked quickly and got up from the bed. Leaving the house suddenly sounded like a great idea - they could go on a hunt for a few hours or just wait in the forest until Carlisle would be done with the lawn.

"You bet."

* * *

******Surprise, we are in the mid-sixties! Hope you are okay with that :-)**

******We'll have a little more action in the next chapter, this was just the introduction.**

**What else?**

**Ah - I'd love to know what you think!**


	2. Chapter 2

"Alice, what's wrong?" Esme asked after she had parked the car in the parking lot of the supermarket and glanced at her petite daughter sitting next to her in the passenger seat. Alice had seemed so down and sad during the drive. She was such a bubbly little thing, always blabbing away and finding joy in everything - but on this drive she had barely spoken a word, and that unnerved Esme.

Alice glanced at her, but instead of saying something, she just sighed sadly and hung her head.

"Did you have a bad vision?" Rose asked from the back seat, taking a guess at what might have caused her sister to be so withdrawn. While she already had an idea what might have caused her sister to be so unusually quiet, she wasn't entirely sure if she was right and so she decided against voicing what she assumed was the real problem.

"No," Alice replied in a soft voice, shaking her head.

It was like she would prefer a vision with a negative outcome over what was currently troubling her.

"Then what is it, dear? What is wrong?" Esme couldn't help but ask – she didn't want to see any of her children so unhappy, especially when she might be able to change something about that.

Another sigh escaped Alice's lips, but then she finally lifted her head again and looked at her concerned mother.

"It's just … I'm a little sad," Alice admitted, her voice no more than a whisper, as though saying it out loud would be like giving up. She didn't want to give up, she really wanted Jasper to stop being inside all day and actually enjoy life just like they were doing.

Esme reached up and started stroking Alice's hair in a comforting manner. "And what makes you sad? Maybe we can help, sweetheart."

She really hoped Alice would tell them what was bothering her, because she was determined to do her best to help her little girl to forget about it and be happy again. She was her mother – there was nothing she couldn't do.

"I feel like Jasper is missing out on so much."

Uh, well, except_ that_. But as Esme opened her mouth to say something, Rosalie beat her to it.

"Because he doesn't go to school with us anymore? He isn't missing out on much," Rose told her, snorting. The thought alone was ridiculous – there's nothing more to be said.

Alice turned around to look at her. "It's not just school … it's _everything_. Shopping and dancing and just going out in general."

"Oh Alice, sweetheart, he's ready when he's ready. You cannot rush it," Esme said, making Alice turn back around, eyes widened in disbelief.

"But that's the problem, Mom, he_ is_ ready! I know that he is, but he won't believe me!" she argued, her lips forming an adorable pout. She just couldn't believe that she hadn't succeeded in making Jasper come with her, or at least promise her to join her this weekend. It really made her a little grumpy - she usually wasn't one who failed when she wanted something. Hm, maybe she hadn't tried hard enough ...

"Sweetheart," Esme said and took her daughter's hands within her own. "Give him time to gain more confidence when it comes to his self-control. I know that you believe in him and I'm sure he knows that, too, but as long as he is feeling nervous and unsure about going out and being around humans, he will have a hard time. That is unnecessary stress for him."

"But I'm not the only one who thinks he is ready," Alice stated firmly, knowing that Emmett would more than likely agree with her. For the last months he had been trying to coax Jasper out of the house to go to the movies with him, or at least to go tooling around, but Jasper had always refused. And Rose had also told her that she thought Jasper grounding himself wasn't helping him or anyone else for that matter.

"Yes, but if you force him, we'll just have another moody Edward in tow. One is already more than enough," Rose threw in, making Esme turn around to give her a stern look.

"Rosalie, stop that."

Unfortunately that rebuke only served to make Rose roll her eyes while she rummaged through her bag in search of something.

"And what do you think, Mom?" Alice suddenly asked. She sounded curious as she really wanted to know what Esme thought about Jasper's self-control – and she wanted to make sure her sister and mother wouldn't start arguing about Edward. This talk was about her Jasper, no one else!

"While I would love to see him engage in outdoor activities with everyone again, I don't want to stress him. This is first and foremost his own personal battle, and he has his own pace of gaining more confidence and feeling comfortable enough that he can be around humans."

"And what does Dad think?" Alice asked quickly, deeming her mother's answer to be a bit unsatisfactory. She had expected Esme to back her up, not tell her to be patient like everyone else was.

"Alice, dear, it doesn't matter what anyone thinks about it, this is Jasper's decision."

"But it would boost his confidence if everyone just told him more often that we think it's time for him to leave the house again because he's ready!"

Esme sighed and shook her head, a sad look in her eyes. She knew that Alice was clutching at straws, but there was no way she could lie to her and tell her it would be okay to pester Jasper. "Or maybe he would only feel pressured, and just imagine he would slip again. What happens then? He might feel that his decision to stay home had been justified. It would only make it worse for him, dear."

"Ha, so I'm not allowed to say that Edward's moody, but you can say that Jasper is lacking self-control? Interesting," Rosalie threw in while applying more lipstick.

Esme rubbed a hand over her forehead, hoping it would keep the tiny wave of frustration that she was feeling at bay. "That's not what I said."

"How could he ever feel confident again if he knew that you don't believe in him?" Rose asked casually and smacked her lips together, checking her reflection in the little pocket mirror she was holding in her hand.

"Rosalie, I don't-"

"I'm just messing with you, mother. Can we go shopping now? I'm getting bored." She knew that Jasper could be quite stubborn and refuse to listen to anyone. All of them had tried to convince him to come outside again, but while he had nodded his head and looked like he would consider it, he never did. So what was there to do? Nothing, he just needed to realise that he had to get off his butt and join them. Even if he would lose it - they could stay with him during the first months to make sure they could restrain him in time before anything could happen. Easy. But he needed to make this first step - they couldn't force him.

"Yes, me, too," Alice agreed.

Esme just looked at her, a slight frown of confusion on her face.

"What about Jasper?" she asked, not wanting Alice to think that they weren't taking her worries seriously.

A drawn out sigh fell from Alice's lips, and she glanced at her mother with bright, golden eyes. "There's not much anyone can do," she said, shrugging her shoulders. Then she reached over and opened her door, but Esme placed a hand on her shoulder to stop her before she could climb out.

"Are you all right, love?" She was concerned for her children, always. And she knew how sad it made her petite daughter to not be able to spend as much time as possible with her mate. She had stayed at home with him for a few months, until even Jasper said that it might be better for his little Alice to go back to school. She just had too much energy and needed a variety of entertainment facilities to work it off.

"I am. Jasper needs to believe in himself, and since he already knows what we are thinking, there isn't much we can tell him anymore. I guess I'll just have to wait."

A warm smile appeared on Esme's face and she reached out and cupped Alice's face, stroking her cheek with her thumb. "I think so, too."

"Shopping?" Rose asked impatiently, looking at them with raised eyebrows. The sooner they would get the stupid grocery shopping done, the sooner she could buy new boots.

* * *

Emmett and Jasper left the house just in time before Carlisle could enter the room and tell them to do the detested lawn mowing. The window was their emergency exit of choice, and Emmett had been the first to jump out. When it came to chores or the like, he always was the first to bolt.

Jasper quickly picked up a comic book from his desk, rolled it up and put it in the back pocket of his jeans, then followed after his brother.

They ran as fast as they could to make sure Carlisle wouldn't suspect them of fleeing from the yard work. Well, it would definitely work and he would have to do everything himself, but he wouldn't be awfully happy about it. Not that they cared at the moment.

Ten minutes later and they were pretty sure that they were far enough from the house. It was a wonderful, warm summer day, and Emmett stopped and grinned at his brother while taking a step to the side to lean against a tree. He was definitely in a good mood and wanted to celebrate ... or something.

Jasper thanked him for warning him in time, then found himself a tree with a big trunk where he could sit down on the sandy ground and lean with his back against it. He closed his eyes and took a hesitant breath, hoping he wouldn't detect any humans nearby. But the air was fresh and pure, he could smell flowers and tree bark and soil - no temptation anywhere.

"So? What are we gonna do, now that we are free?" Emmett asked and smirked over at him, completely excited about the fact that they had managed to escape.

_He really could get excited over the little things in life ..._

"I have no idea what you will busy yourself with, but I will read," Jasper replied, fishing the rolled-up comic book from his back pocket and opening it.

Emmett groaned - he just couldn't _believe_ that his brother was being so difficult again! Edward was already being a flake - he didn't need another brother who acted like that and was no fun.

"Let's do something, come on! We're in a forest, there are literally _a million things_ we could do!"

Jasper raised an eyebrow while he glanced at his brother over the top of his book. "Like what?"

A blank look crossed Emmett's face, until he became pensive for a moment. "We could play something," he suggested.

"Do you want me to throw a stick and you'll fetch it? Sure, we can do that, but you have to promise me not to drool all over it."

"Ha ha." Emmett stepped over to Jasper and looked down at what exactly he was reading.

"Rawhide Kid? Hm, actually I'm in the mood for Archie right now."

Emmett loved comics ... school would be so much more fun if the text books were like comic books, for sure.

After a minute of "Wait, I'm not done!" or "Slow down, Jazz," Jasper sighed and handed the book to his brother, so he could finish it. It would keep him busy and Jasper realised that he'd rather be bored than annoyed.

"If you insist," Emmett laughed, snatched the book from his hand and plopped down next to him to read on with a huge, triumphant grin plastered on his face.

He really found joy in the little things ...

When Emmett was done some time later, he closed the comic book and let it drop to the ground right next to him. He sighed, then put his elbows on his knees and looked around, as though he was enjoying the beauty of the forest and the calming effect it had on them.

But little sideways glances made Jasper eventually roll his eyes and ask, "What?"

"Hey … um, you don't have to answer, but … when I came into your room, you seemed really frustrated."

"That wasn't a question, Em."

"I know, I wasn't finished! Well, I mean, … are you and Alice ... well, are you having problems?"

"No," Jasper replied without looking at his brother.

"But she didn't look too happy when I saw her in the foyer."

Jasper groaned internally as he heard that, and he squinched his eyes shut. His head dropped and he swallowed hard, trying to ignore the picture that was forming in his head.

_Oh God … thanks, Emmett._ Now the guilt was back full force. His poor, little Alice was sad, and he was the reason for it. Hopefully she would still be able to have fun with Rose and Esme, because otherwise he had ruined her entire day.

"I disappointed her, but that happens a lot lately, because she won't take No for an answer."

He must have said the wrong thing, because Emmett suddenly smirked at him like a little, immature boy. He probably thought this was about something kinky or that they were having bedroom problems ...

"What does Alice ask about? Come on, you can tell me, there is nothing my Rosie and I haven't tried already."

Bingo. He thought this was about sex.

Letting out a heavy sigh, Jasper said, "A party."

Emmett drew back a little and frowned. "Like a … swingers party?" he asked, his face scrunching up at the thought.

_So he and Rose obviously haven't tried everything yet, ha._ "No, dammit Em, not everything revolves around sex. I'm talking about a regular party. For example some party that is supposed to take place this weekend."

And finally realisation shone on Emmett's face. "Oh, the party in the-"

"I don't care where exactly the party is being held, because I'm not going."

"Awww, come on!" Emmett whined and pushed him sideways, away from himself.

Picking himself up from the ground and sitting up again, Jasper wiped his hair out of his face and gave his brother a dark look. "No."

"But … why not? It's gonna be fun!"

_Fun?_ Fun for him because his throat wouldn't burn anymore, or fun for all his victims who's last words would be "No, please don't kill me!"?

"I'm not into silly games, alcoholic beverages and the smell of pot."

"Don't breathe." Emmett shrugged his shoulders.

"How about you go there and tell me how you liked it when you come back home? That way I will feel like I was there with you."

"How so?"

"Because your way of recollecting something is very unique."

That made Emmett smile. He knew he was the best storyteller in the family, because when he told someone about his adventures or experiences it always was so realistic and detailed, that afterwards people felt like they had been there with him. Yup, that's how good he was. It was probably his second gift! But he didn't want to boast about it, as it would make the others jealous and sad that he had more than just one awesome ability. Especially now that he was sitting here with Jasper who was already feeling a little down. And being able to manipulate someone's emotions was also kind of cool – nothing to be ashamed of.

Jasper fed off the joy his brother was currently feeling. Being around Emmett could sometimes be a little trying, but it was mostly like taking a break. He was so good-natured and happy – just like Alice. But since he was constantly managing to dampen his wife's spirits, he had to selfishly use his brother's positive emotions to make himself feel more at ease.

He let it wash over him, and engulf him completely, and then was finally feeling up to doing whatever his brother had in mind.

In the end they just ran around and fought with each other – it helped to stay in shape and also with their reflexes, their speed - and it made it easier for them to let go of any pent-up energy or frustration they might have.

Seeing that they had spent enough time away from home and that Carlisle was more than likely already done with the stupid lawn, they slowly made their way back - still shoving and pushing each other in a playful way, not paying any mind to how loud they might be.

"Hello, boys."

The cheerful voice of their father greeted them as they emerged from the forest and stepped onto their driveway, and it startled them.

"Welcome back," Carlisle added and started to smile when his sons just stared at him. He came down the steps of the front porch and walked toward them in a leisurely pace.

"Something's wrong ... don't you think?" Jasper whispered to his brother, his eyes fixed on Carlisle who's smile got broader the closer he got to them.

"Pfft. It smells like freshly-cut grass - we have nothing to fear," Emmett replied with a snort, one hundred percent sure that they had succeeded in evading the dreaded work.

"It's wonderful to see you both well fed and full of energy," Carlisle remarked, then walked behind his two sons, only to step in between them and put his arms around their shoulders.

Feeling that twisting away or asking him how it went wouldn't really go over too well, they remained silent and let their father guide them behind the garage and into their backyard. Yep, it finally dawned on Emmett that maybe his plan hadn't worked.

"Is something wrong, Carlisle?" Emmett asked, trying to sound completely innocent.

Jasper looked sideways, so neither of them would see him roll his eyes.

_Yes, you buffoon, something is wrong!_ Their father's friendliness was laced with a hint of mischievousness ...

His emotions let Jasper know what was going to happen and at that moment, Carlisle cleared his throat.

"I have something for you, my dear boys," he said just a second before the lawn behind their house came into view. He could feel a little resistance coming from his sons, and so he tightened his grip on their shoulders and added, "work."

"Oh no, no, no ... come on, Pops! _You_ were supposed to take care of that!" Emmett whined, sounding more like a five-year-old than the sturdy man that he was.

"I mowed the lawn, Emmett, and now you two will rake it up," Carlisle told him and patted his shoulder in an encouraging manner.

Emmett stepped away from him, then turned around to face him. "But Pops! That is not fair, come on ... why didn't Eddie rake it up?"

"Edward is busy working on a book report ... and he told me why I had to use the old reel mower. Someone broke the other one ... any ideas who that might have been?" Carlisle asked, crossing his arms over his chest while raising one eyebrow questioningly.

_Oh Emmett ... what did you do?_

"I was just trying to repair it!" Emmett retorted, trying to explain why the stupid thing was worse than useless now.

"If the blades are blocked, you need to turn it off before you put your hand in it. Humans have lost fingers by doing something like that," Carlisle told him.

"But I'm not human, and I didn't lose any fingers ... I didn't even get hurt."

"But the lawnmower got hurt. Now set to work, you mother will be back shortly," Carlisle said, pushed both of them lightly in the direction of the two rakes leaning against the tree in the middle fo their garden, and vanished into the house.

Jasper turned around to pierce his brother with an intense glare. But all Emmett did was huff about the unfairness of it all.

"We should blame Edward, that rat fink. And he's doing a 'book report' ... he's just trying to skive off work ... he's always doing that," Emmett said and crossed his arms defiantly. "Just our luck," he grumbled and kicked at the little piles of grass, sending the cut grass blades flying through the air, then watched them sailing to the ground again.

And Jasper? Jasper just went to get the rakes, all the while trying to figure out what he had done to deserve this.

* * *

**Poor Jasper ... now he has to work because of Em. But let's blame Edward, okay? Haha ;-)**

**Thank you soooo much for reading and reviewing, guys! I know it doesn't seem like it because it took me forever to update, but I really appreciate it that you read and review my stories. Again, thank you!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Third chapter!**

**To be honest I still don't know how many chapters this story is going to have, it all depends on ... well, every single person in this story. They always do whatever they feel like doing and that's making it a tad bit difficult at times ... oh, well.**

**Thank you all for reading and reviewing and adding this story to your alerts and favourites! I'm always getting really excited when I see that people enjoy my writing :D**

**So ... have fun!**

* * *

Grocery shopping usually didn't take awfully long, because when you don't eat, you don't really care for nutrition facts or comparing brands and prices. Esme still found it to be more realistic if she would act like that, but whenever she took something from the shelves, Alice immediately grabbed it and let it drop into the shopping cart. She had volunteered to push the cart, but only so that she could put her elbow on the reel and cup her chin in her hand.

She looked absolutely bored.

And gloomy.

Esme had hoped that she would be in a better mood after their talk in the car. Besides, Alice usually enjoyed going food shopping, especially when they were also planning on going clothes shopping afterwards. But she was awfully quiet now, so that meant that she wasn't all right and that her sadness over her husband's solitude at home was not diminishing in the least. Sadly, Esme didn't see any way to help her as part of her glumness was because she sometimes had trouble accepting that No meant No.

Rosalie had only joined them because she had seen a pair of boots last week that she really had to have, and since neither Esme nor Alice seemed to be much fun, she excused herself to go shop at the cool stores that were conveniently situated opposite the supermarket while Esme and Alice could spent some more time buying gross food for humans. Also, she didn't know what to say to cheer Alice up or just make her accept that Jasper didn't want to go to a party, and she didn't want to spent another minute at a boring and smelly supermarket, so it was quite clear to her that she would not waste her precious time with anything that seemed much too unpleasant for her at the moment.

Unfortunately the boots she really wanted to have were already sold out and so she just strolled through the store to have a look around. The things she saw didn't really appeal to her, but she refused to join her mother and sister at the supermarket again.

She spent a little while just walking around the store and pretending to be interested in this and that, when suddenly her mother and sister were standing right next to her. She really hoped they were done with the food shopping.

Luckily they were, but when Rose sensed that they wanted to shop together with her now because they were just standing there looking at her, she realised that she had to come up with something that she could use as an excuse to get away from them as she was really not in the mood hearing Alice complain about Jasper or watching her sulk.

"I think I'll go look for something for Em," she said casually, hoping that nobody would see through the little lie.

"You barely ever shop for Em, you said he can pick out his own clothes," Alice remarked, squinting her eyes at her as though she found that Rose was acting a bit funny.

"Well, yes, but today I feel like surprising him. That's not a crime," she countered.

Alice gave her a sweet smile. "I'll join you."

_Oh no, you don't._ "No, it's quite all right. I don't want to bore you with it, and it will be very, _very_ boring," she pointed out, hoping it would be enough for Alice to decide against joining her.

Shrugging her shoulders, Alice said, "I don't mind."

Esme seemed to like the idea, because a smile appeared on her face and she patted Alice's as well as Rose's upper arm at the same time. She thought it would be a wonderful idea for her girls to spend some time together, as it might help Alice get her mind off things. Shopping with her sister was perfect for that. "That's a great idea!"

Rose gave her mother and sister a fake smile, before heading for the men's section, her little sister in tow.

"You two have fun," Esme called after them, then turned around to go look around the home decor section of the store.

After a few steps Rose started to feel bad for having tried to get rid of Alice, because now she realised that maybe she just wanted to talk to her or that she just really needed her sister right now. There are some things you don't talk to your mother about and Alice seemed to be really sad. She would probably feel the same way if Emmett would refuse to go out with her and only stayed home all day.

But Emmett didn't stay home and whenever he had slipped up, he had bounced right back and forgot about it. Sure, Jasper was a lot more sensitive than her big goofball of a husband, but sometimes she had the feeling that he was overdoing it. He had been in the army, hadn't he? He had killed people and it was his job. So why had it been so much easier for him back then, but now it seemed that he was slowly falling apart because of it?

Rose walked around the store and looked at men's clothes, and whenever she touched something, Alice was getting on her tiptoes to look at it over her shoulder. Then she distorted her face and made a sound of disapproval until Rose put it back and grabbed something else. Alice didn't say a word, and it was starting to slightly annoy Rose, making the guilty feeling she has had before about trying to get away from her sister slowly fade. "Alice?"

"Uh-hm?" she asked, staring at the big shirt Rose was holding in her hands.

"Are you sure you don't want to get something for yourself? They have very pretty new skirts, you'd love them, I'm sure," she told her and put the shirt back, then pointed in the direction of where she had seen the new arrivals.

Alice shook her head and crossed her hands behind her back. "No, I'm fine," she replied, rocking back and forth on her heels.

Rosalie was starting to lose her patience. Esme was nowhere to be seen, so if Alice truly wanted to talk to her about something in private, she would have done so long ago. No, clearly Alice was getting bored or just wanted to annoy the crap out of her. At the moment both options seemed very likely.

"But … you love shopping," Rosalie pointed out to make her do something apart from looking over her shoulder at whatever she was holding up. "Just have a look around, I'm sure you'll find something you like."

Again, she shook her head and eyed the shirt in her sister's hands with distaste. "I'd rather help you."

"I think I can handle my shopping just fine," Rose replied and put the shirt back, then picked up a leather jacket that looked like Emmett might like it. It was a bit silly because he already had one and he always claimed that he loved it so much that he would never wear another jacket ever again, but she really did not care at the moment. She would buy ten of those if Alice would just stop annoying her.

"Doesn't look like it," Alice muttered under her breath while giving the jacket Rose was holding in her hands a pointed look. Emmett would surely like it, but that didn't count. If you'd ask Alice: he had absolutely no clue when it came to fashion.

Rose, having heard what Alice had mumbled, gave her a sharp look before putting the jacket away and looking for a different one.

Her growing annoyance with her sister was getting more and more obvious, so Alice tried to tone it down with her criticism and explained why exactly she wouldn't leave her alone.

She skimmed her hands over a few shirts, enjoying the feeling of the smooth, silky fabric underneath her fingertips, while saying, "It's not like I'm going to a party anytime soon, so I don't need new clothes."

A look of confusion spread out over Rose's face and she turned to look at her. "What about this weekend? I thought you really wanted to go."

"Jasper is being stupid," she told her with a wave of her hand. "I'll try again later to convince him to come, but-"

Rose groaned at hearing that, because Alice was seemingly still not done pestering her poor husband. "Alice," she said warningly, "give him time and don't push it. He doesn't refuse to go just to anger you, you know." There was always tension in the house when Alice decided to pester him. Besides, Jasper was old enough to decide for himself what he wanted to do and what he didn't want to do.

"You can just say it if you don't want him to come," she replied sharply and folded her arms over her chest while narrowing her eyes at her sister.

But Rose wouldn't have any of that. Nobody twisted her every word. "Don't play that game with me. I wish him to find his confidence to go out again and spend more time with us, I _really_ do, but as long as he doesn't feel comfortable when outside we shouldn't try to talk him into going to parties and shopping. If he joins us even though he isn't ready for it yet, it's just going to be stressful for all of us."

Alice scoffed. "No, it isn't."

Rose groaned. "He is projecting. And he is also projecting other people's emotions. Feeling like Edward was the grossest experience I ever had, and I would prefer not having to go through that again."

Alice was aware of that little problem. Her husband was so preoccupied with holding his breath and trying to make himself not think about all the beating hearts and the pulsing veins of the humans surrounding him, that his control over his ability tended to slip a little. "Why am I even talking to you?" she asked and glowered at her. Hearing that nobody would back her up was a stupid feeling and she really didn't like it.

Rose raised her eyebrows and slowly shook her head. "I have no idea."

With that, Alice stomped off, leaving Rose on her own.

Alice was growing frustrated that nobody would be supportive of her idea to make Jasper come. How could Jasper ever feel confident enough to leave the house again if nobody was believing in him? No wonder that he doubted himself. It was just so-

"_Oh. My. God!_" she suddenly exclaimed, making a few people turn around and look at her weirdly. For such a small person she had a really loud voice.

Rose looked over at Alice who was standing with her back to her and started frowning. "What?" she asked.

"I cannot believe it! This is … ," she said loudly, then covered her mouth with her hand and spun around to look at Rose. Her eyes were wide but did not show the previous annoyance and dissatisfaction anymore. They were shining with joy and when she let her hand drop back to her side, a little squeal escaped her lips. "I'll find him the best outfit ever – he'll look fab!"

The frown on Rosalie's face deepened. "What are you talking about?"

"The vision I just had!" Alice said it like it was the most obvious thing.

"Would you keep it down?" Rose whispered through clenched teeth and shot her one of her looks. Alice just shrugged her shoulders, then skipped over to her. She pratically beamed with joy and her usual hyperactiveness seemed to come back full force at that moment.

"Jasper is coming to the party with me!" she told her and clapped her hands in delight.

_Uh..._ "You are not forcing him to come, now are you?" Rose asked carefully, not planning to accuse her of anything. But if she was going to try that, she would have to tell her that she was absolutely against it. Just like everyone else.

Alice shook her head and the smile on her lips grew wider – if that was even possible. She looked like she had just won a million dollars. "No, I'm not! I'm so excited, we need to find him something proper to wear. Eeek! Party! He's going to have a blast! I have to tell Mom!"

Knowing that Alice didn't really want her to help find something for Jasper, she just continued to skim through the men's clothing in search of something for Em even though he didn't really need anything. The confusion and surprise she had felt just moments ago were vanishing and instead a sense of relief was making itself known. It would be great if Jasper would join them again and maybe even go to school with them. Finally he found the courage to face humans again, finally he would overcome his bad conscience and self-doubts.

The thought brought a smile to her face and she started getting excited herself. She was happy for Jasper and, of course, for her little sister, who seemed like her excitement was unquenchable right now. It would be great to see Jasper relaxed again.

* * *

Raking up the grass clippings into a little pile, Jasper felt extremely cheated out of his freetime. "I cannot believe it … thanks, Emmett."

"What's your problem? I didn't do anything, blame Edward!" Emmett retorted while trying to rake up the dead grass like his brother was doing. He didn't try very hard, and maybe that's why he wasn't very successful.

Jasper gave him a sideways glance. "You're still convinced that this is Edward's fault?"

"One hundred percent," he proclaimed and nodded his head, then let the rake fall into the grass because he really didn't feel like doing this now.

Jasper, however, wanted to get finished as soon as possible. While he didn't have anything special planned that he couldn't postpone, he still didn't feel like spending half of his afternoon raking up grass – it was such a tedious task, just like mowing. Boring, pointless and -

"You broke the lawnmower on purpose," he suddenly concluded. And the way he said it made it clear that there was no doubt in his mind.

"Huh?" Emmett asked, blinking at him like he hadn't caught a single word his brother had just said.

Jasper made a sound of disbelief, then fixed his eyes on his brother and narrowed them. "Why would you do that?"

"Huh?"

A groan left his mouth before he motioned at their lawn and all the dead grass that was lying around, waiting to be raked up. By them. "Just look what happened. That was a stupid plan, Em, really stupid."

"It was not stupid. I think it's very likely that I would break something like that," he replied and suddenly grinned at Jasper. "Besides, how should I have known that Carlisle would just use that old, rusty reel mower? He could have just waited for Esme to come home and then tell her that the mower is broken and that from now on we just won't mow the lawn anymore."

Somehow that explanation annoyed Jasper even more. Emmett was prone to do stupid things and act without thinking - it was just his way of living. He enjoyed every moment and worried about it later. But that he would break something on purpose because he was sure he could get away with it by making it look like an accident was a bit too much for Jasper at the moment. Emmett acted stupid on purpose because he knew that he often acted stupid. That was actually pretty evil, especially when others had to bleed for it.

He growled in annoyance, then took a few steps to get away from his idiotic brother while furiously pulling the rake through the grass.

"Breaking it won't get you out of raking up," Emmett remarked with a grin, but quickly picked up his own rake when Jasper shot him a glare.

For a few minutes neither one of them said a single word, until Emmett started feeling very uncomfortable. He didn't like it when someone was mad at him ...

Jasper wasn't surprised when Emmett carefully asked him if he would rat him out - he had felt his growing uneasiness like it was one of his own emotions.

"No," he snorted, finding the thought of tattling on his brother to be absolutely absurd.

"Great, let's fight!" his big brother exclaimed and held the rake in both hands, ready to strike at Jasper.

Shaking his head, Jasper just focussed back on the task at hand instead of wasting his time playing with Emmett. He was already aware of the fact that he would be the one having to do most of the work, so he didn't want to waste any time and just get it done with.

"Oh come on, don't pull an Edward on me. Get ready and fight like a man!"

"No, thank you."

"Flake," Emmett grumbled, then picked up a handful of grass and threw it at him.

Jasper did not react, as he saw this as a way to test his self-control again. He was half-tempted to give Emmett the fight he was asking for, as it was quite a bit more fun than yard work and it was great to show him that tactic was more important than sheer physical strength. But he couldn't let him provoke him into fighting all the time. Heck, they had fought not even ten minutes ago!

But the more handfuls of grass landed in his face and hair, the more he felt his plan falter.

And when Emmett dared to stuff a handful of dead grass down the back of his pants, his patience snapped.

"Fine, you want a fight?" he asked, then tackled his laughing brother to the ground. They rolled around on the ground for a bit, then managed to get back on their feet and slowly walk backwards to get a little space between them in order to have more room to attack.

Jasper blew a strand of blonde hair out of his face, then crouched low and curled his fingers at Emmett. "You're first, greaser," he smirked.

They fought for half an hour straight. Carlisle had heard them laughing and throwing punches, so he had looked out of the window in his office to see what exactly was going on. He watched them from for a while, but did not feel like telling them to stop because he figured it was good for Jasper to fool around with his brother. Besides, Esme would be back soon, so she could take care of telling her boys off and reminding them of their chore.

When the car turned into the driveway and came to a halt, the boys were still going at it. Jasper looked up as he saw his little black-haired pixie walk towards him with a beautiful smile on her face, and at that moment Emmett pounced on him and pressed his face into the grass.

"Ha!" he yelled and jumped up, punching the air with victory. As if that wasn't enough, he grabbed a discarded rake from the ground, held it in both hands over his head before breaking it in half over his knee in triumph. "Yes! I told you I'd win!"

"Emmett!" Esme suddenly creeched and hurriedly climbed out of the driver's seat while giving him a look of disbelief. "What do you think you are doing with my rake?!"

Jasper glanced at Emmett, but paid him no mind because his eyes were fixed on his sweet wife and the breathtaking smile she was giving him. He felt her joy and excitement, and it rippled through his system like a vitalising power. She suddenly giggled, then covered her mouth with both her hands in an attempt to control her emotions but it was futile as he would feel it anyways. He pushed himself up from the ground and approached her. She chose the same moment to run towards him and then she leapt right into his arms, wrapping her legs around his waist and taking his face in both hands, giving him a peck on his lips. She gazed deeply into his eyes, and her big, honey-coloured orbs showed the same excitement and happiness that Jasper felt coming off her in huge waves. "I knew you'd change your mind," she whispered and kissed him again.

* * *

**Haha, somehow I have the feeling that this story is slowly turning into a 'Nobody likes Edward'-story. Maybe I can even manage to not let him appear in this one ... but now that I said that, I'm sure he'll weasel himself into the next chapter. Yay.**

**Thanks for reading everyone! Next chapter should be up sometime next week!**


	4. Chapter 4

Jasper didn't immediately react to Alice's words as he was distracted by the sweet, passionate kiss she was giving him. But as he started to process what exactly she had said, he leaned back to break the kiss, staring at her in bewilderment.

Esme chiding Em about breaking things and him whining in response that it had been nothing but an accident turned into mere background noises as he tried to make sense of his wife's words.

Alice looked at him with a frown of confusion on her face, but then she unwrapped her legs from around his waist and hopped onto her feet, standing in front of him now and turning her head upward to keep eye contact.

"Change my mind? Alice, I-" Jasper started to say, but didn't get to finish as he felt someone's excitement and glee streaming towards him. It was as strong as Alice's happy feelings had been just a moment ago and he had to concentrate so it wouldn't replace his own emotions. He looked over his shoulder as the assault got heavier with every step the person was taking towards him, and then his and Rosalie's eyes met.

"It's going to be great, Jasper, you'll see," she called while approaching him with one of her dazzling, yet rare smiles on her face. "You don't have to worry about a thing, just have fun and let me and Em handle the rest," she assured him. She actually hadn't planned to attend the party Alice had been blabbering about, but she and Em would go for Jasper. It would make him feel safer if they were with them and could restrain him in case his bloodlust would make him lose his mind. They would make sure that he wouldn't need to waste a single thought about the possibility that he might slip-up and expose them in the process - keeping that from happening was solely their responsibility now. His job was to have fun and enjoy himself and nothing more.

She took another step towards him and gave him a hug, which was also a rare occurrence.

Relief and happiness radiated off of her - those were wonderful emotions that suited her, naturally - but he was still a little confused as to what exactly his wife and his sister were getting at.

Noticing the look on his face when she loosened the embrace, Rose's smile just got wider. "Alice chose some nice clothes for you," she told him and let out a laugh as the amount of clothes Alice had bought for her mate was way out of proportion - this was only for one night, after all. But the little pixie had been so excited at the store and was determined to show Jasper just how much she would support him, that she would even let him choose his own outfit without any objections. So this was going to be a special night for her husband.

Jasper looked sideways and saw his wife beaming up at him while rocking back and forth on her heels, looking like a happy little child.

Before Rosalie would leave them to themselves and enter the house, she reached out and placed a hand on her brother's shoulder, patting it gently to let him know that she was happy that he would finally spend more time with them again. The physical connection she created enhanced the intensity of how he could perceive her emotions, and when he looked back at her she just winked before she headed for the front door.

Slowly he directed his gaze to his wife again and even though he didn't want to as it might quench her excitement, he frowned once more.

But just like moments before, he didn't get the chance to ask her the question that was burning on his tongue as he suddenly found himself in the arms of his lovely mother. She pressed him to herself and kissed his cheek, and when she released him after what felt like hours, he saw tears glimmering in her gentle, golden eyes. "I am so happy for you, Jazzy. You'll have a wonderful time, love. A party is a fantastic idea."

Out of the corner of his eye Jasper saw his brother's head snap up. "Party?" the muscular boy asked, his eyes going impossibly wide all of a sudden. "Why didn't you tell me that you are going to the party? That's tight!" he cheered and kicked up some dead grass.

The look on Esme's face made him stop immediately, but instead of doing what he was told to do, he just ran towards the group and embraced all three of them in one of his famous bear hugs.

His family seemed to be ecstatic and happy, each and every one of them, and Jasper had trouble holding on to his frown and his puzzlement as their emotions almost overshadowed his own. They surrounded them and engulfed him, practically forcing him to feel at ease and carefree and happy.

"We have to tell Carlisle!" Emmett told his brother, giving him a brotherly pat on the back to encourage him to go find their dad.

"No, no, Emmett," Esme said and wagged her finger at him. "You have got some raking up to do."

"But, Mom..."

All she did was raise an eyebrow and point towards the lawn with her outstretched index finger.

He pouted at her - informing their father was a far more important task than raking. But she just turned him around, gave him a pat on his bum and pushed him lightly in the direction of the rake that was lying on the lawn before she headed for the front door herself.

Jasper, however, was in an even better mood now as he had just been released of the tedious task. Em had brought it on himself, after all. With a smile he watched his sulking brother pick up the one rake that was still intact and pull it over the lawn to collect the grass clippings that were already starting to dry up.

"Come," Alice laughed and grabbed her mate by the hand, then pulled him over to the car so he could help her with their shopping bags. Most of them held clothes for him, and she couldn't wait to see him try them on.

When they walked through the front door, they saw Carlisle and Esme standing in the foyer, arms wrapped around each other while sharing a kiss. They looked up when they noticed their children's presence, and both gave them warm, genuine smiles.

Carlisle closed the distance between himself and Jasper, then placed a hand on his shoulder. "I heard you two have good news," he said, looking in between Jasper and Alice.

Alice giggled and looked up at her father with bright eyes, nodding her head. "We are going out this weekend!" she exclaimed and bounced up and down, and Jasper internally groaned at her extreme excitement about her vision.

"I'm sure you will enjoy yourselves. Emmett and Rose are coming, too, I assume?" He deemed it safer if it wasn't just Alice and Jasper alone amongst humans for the first handful of times, and he was sure that it would calm Jasper's nerves to know that he wouldn't be able to slip-up with them at his sides. His children always watched out for each other and he couldn't be more proud of his family.

"Rosalie said they would, yes," Jasper replied, still busy trying to hold onto his scepsis instead of just accepting the full force of their excitement and glee to wash over him and replace his own emotions.

Suddenly Edward appeared at the top of the stairs, and he looked wary.

Carlisle turned his head to look at his first born, nodding towards him with the big smile still on his lips. "Will you join them, son?"

His thoughts let Edward know that he was certain he might enjoy an evening with his four siblings, listening to music and dancing along. And additionally he hoped he would support his brother and accompany them to show his support.

"I won't go to that party," he said to his father before directing his gaze to his two siblings standing in the foyer. "And you shouldn't either."

"Oh Edward," Esme sighed and walked up the steps, coming to a halt in the middle of the stairs to be a little closer to him. "I think it would do you good. All you do is study and sit in your room listening to music. You need a little reprieve, honey."

"I don't like parties."

A laugh escaped his mother's lips as she stood there with one hand on the banister rail of the stairs. "That's a lie, baby, and you know it." Everybody liked parties and music, and she refused to believe that he didn't. After all he was obsessed with music, and so she didn't know why he decided to be so difficult sometimes.

He looked past his mother. "Yes, a lie," he said darkly before turning around and disappearing from sight. A moment later and they could hear the door to his room close.

With a sigh, Esme descended the stairs again and stood in front of Jasper, giving him a kiss on the cheek and brushing a blond strand of hair out of his face. She smiled, and he smiled back at her.

"Come, Carlisle. You need to help me with the shopping bags," she said over her shoulder while Jasper and Alice walked past her and up the stairs. Carlisle came towards her and she grabbed him by the hand before leading him out of the house and in the direction of their car.

* * *

Jasper was standing in front of the mirror, looking at his reflection and the interesting new clothes his little pixie wife had chosen for him. He had been sure that she didn't like red on him, but the shirt he was wearing right now was just that. He liked the fabric, liked the vibrant colour and the style as it was rather slim fitting. Shirts that were too baggy just wouldn't look right on his slender, yet muscular figure.

This was the fifth shirt he had tried on, and if he would really leave the house and go to a party, he would definitely wear this one.

Slowly he took his eyes off the shirt and lifted his head until he was looking himself in the eye.

He gazed at himself for a long time, studying his features and his eyes like he was seeing himself for the first time.

But he knew this face and knew that he hadn't changed a bit because he never would - his eyes were still the fierce eyes of a predator just like they had always been.

He tightened his jaw, giving himself a severe and cold-hearted appearance - yes, now he resembled the very person he had been for so many years. A soldier and a leader in the Southern vampire wars - harsh, confident and awe-inspiring.

He narrowed his eyes at his own reflection, watching himself turn more and more into the brutal and merciless killing machine.

After taking a deep breath, he slowly let the tenseness vanish from his face - he unclenched his jaw and let his eyes soften again. A question popped up in his mind... _Is _this_ who I really am?_

And even though he was feeling rather silly standing here in front of the mirror looking himself over, he suddenly started to smile, observing the change in his face and his eyes.

The broader his smile, the more he resembled a young man again - now he looked more like the human he used to be than the vampire he was now and had been for over one hundred years. The corners of his lips raised and the muscles around his eyes contracted, and he looked friendly and happy.

It didn't surprise him that the rest of this family blended in so well, especially Alice and Emmett who smiled and laughed so much and were so incredibly outgoing and good-natured that people would never realise that something was very, _very_ wrong about them.

_Could I ever be like them?_

The longer he scanned his face, the more he got the feeling that the smile on his lips looked fake. For a while he had tried to be the person he saw now standing in front of him, but eventually he had turned back into the ferocious vampire that he truly was.

How come that his family only ever regarded him as this second person, the friendly Jasper, and just ignored that it was only an act? He let the smile drop from his face and his eyes bore into the eyes of the man he saw in the mirror.

For how long would he be able to keep this side of himself hidden until it would resurface again?

His lips stretched as he started to smile and almost instantly he looked young, happy and full of life again – the exact opposite of what his vampire nature dictated him to be. And the longer he remained like that, the more the smile looked like a horribly fake mask to him again... a ridiculous grimace only meant to deceive.

The door to his and Alice's room opened and he quickly dropped his smile and spun around on his heel, looking at his wife with wide eyes like he had just been caught in the act. His heart would be hammering in his chest after such a shock, but it was still and hard as stone.

"What have you been doing, handsome?" Alice asked and traipsed over to him before wrapping her arms around his waist.

"I was trying on a few shirts, darling."

She smiled. "It's this one, isn't it? I already knew you would choose it, but there are still a few more if you'd like to see them."

And that brought him back to the reason as to why he was standing here, trying on new clothes that his wife had just purchased for him. "No, this one is fine. But Alice... I feel horrible for having to say this, but I never changed my mind. I never chose to go with you to the party."

She just hugged him tighter and leaned her head against his chest. "Don't be nervous now."

Was that the problem? His nervousness kept him from looking forward to going out with his wife again?

"It's just... love, are you sure you saw me going to this party?"

"Yes," she replied, looking at him like she didn't understand why he would ask. "What's wrong?"

"I...", he started to say, then sighed and shook his head before walking over to their bed. He sat down and put his elbows on his knees, cradling his head in his hands.

He looked crestfallen, and Alice felt a piece of her heart break at the sight.

She climbed up on the bed behind him and placed her hands on his muscular shoulders, starting to lightly massage the tenseness from them in an attempt to get him to relax and stop worrying. It was obvious that he was worrying over almost everything right now.

"Hm?" she asked after a moment, trying to make him talk to her.

"I just cannot remember having made the decision to go with you," he murmured with uneasiness and guilt heavy in his voice.

She let go of his shoulders and scooted forward so she could sit next to him. When he looked at her, she tilted her head to the side and asked, "You've been with Emmett this afternoon, haven't you?"

"Yes."

"Did you talk with him about trying to go into town again or maybe to places where you would be surrounded by humans?" she asked, taking guesses as to what her husband and her brother had been chatting about. She was sure that they had talked about that, but still – she wanted him to say it aloud.

He thought back to this afternoon and what thoughts he had shared with the buffoon going by the name of Emmett. "I told him that I think it would be safer for everyone if I'd stay inside. And we talked about the party."

She grinned at him and her eyes sparkled happily.

"But I didn't say that I want to go!" he half-shouted, immediately pressing the palms of his hands against his eyes. It was impossible to say that to her face while she was looking like this. She was happy... and he was in the process of taking that from her.

Slowly she reached out and guided one hand away from his face until he opened his eyes and looked sideways at her. "Jasper, maybe your unconscious mind made the decision. You are ready, but you just haven't realised it yet. Believe in yourself. We all believe in you, you are the only one that doesn't."

He sighed, then hung his head. He didn't look at anything particular, just let his gaze roam while he was thinking it through.

_Am I ready?_

_Can I really dare to go out again? Interact with humans without suddenly seeing them as prey?_

"Jasper." Alice's soft voice pulled him from his thoughts again and he glanced at her. "Jasper," she said again, "don't you remember the first time you and I went to school with the others? The first time all of us went dancing together? Our trip to Seattle? To Vancouver?"

She just started smiling when he didn't say anything. "Every single time you have been so very nervous and just before we wanted to leave, you tried to make a retreat. You thought you weren't ready, but you were. Nothing bad happened, you were fine and we had a wonderful time together, am I right?"

He put his elbows on his knees and folded his hands, pressing his forehead to them while he stared at the floor. Maybe he just needed time to think about it again. They still had a few days left until Saturday, and he hoped that it would either help him find his strength to go out again or that Alice would realise that it was still too early for him.

Just too bad that everyone was so excited and so he wouldn't just let his little Alice down, but his entire family. And it was hard to stay pondering when the atmosphere in the house was so cheerful. Everyone was in a good mood - well, except for Edward.

His bronze-haired brother sat in his room which was right next to theirs and he was clearly moody and annoyed. Jasper had the feeling that Edward wasn't comfortable feeling that way and so he started contemplating sending him a few happy waves that would match the ones he received from the rest of his siblings and his parents. It would give him something to do, and Edward would benefit from it.

"Don't, Jasper," Alice whispered and grabbed his arm softly, leaning her head against his shoulder. "leave him be. You mean well, but you cannot force him to feel better - it's not for you to decide, it all depends on him."

The response was a huff coming from the next room. Of course he had heard them...

Jasper kissed Alice's hair and patted her knee, knowing that she was right and that Edward would only get angry if he changed his mood at the moment. It had only been an idea because everybody was so at ease, but he would listen to his wonderful wife. "You're right, darling, of course you are. I-"

At that moment Edward put on some music and cranked up the volume, making it impossible for him and Alice to talk some more. Ricky Nelson sang Poor Little Fool, and Jasper wondered how much time had passed since the last time he had heard that song.

* * *

**Well, now I have Emmett under control but Edward broke out of his cage... not sure if it's a good thing or a bad thing.**

**And yes, ok, hm. I know Jasper might not stand in front of a mirror smiling at himself like a loon, but I hoped it would fit his character to try and find out how other people would see him and why they didn't see him the way he saw himself. Does that make sense?**

**Anyways, I always love to know what you think and I'm always happy to see that someone reads this story ;-)**


	5. Chapter 5

Emmett was lying on his belly on the floor in front of the TV staring at the screen, his chin resting in his hands. This was practically a daily occurrence as the dark-haired boy absolutely loved watching TV - alone or with his siblings. It was their first colour TV, a Zenith roundie, and it was still brand-new. The old one had been a horrible joke, the colour and picture needed constant adjusting and then one day it mysteriously broke. Carlisle just couldn't figure out what was wrong with it, but then again he didn't care as all of them had been looking forward to something new.

Today Em had managed to get out of having to go to school, and so he spent the day with Jasper. Carlisle had deemed it a good idea for Jasper to have some company until the afternoon, especially now that he had decided to try to go to a party with humans but was still having doubts. He was sure that Alice had already assured the blonde boy, but Emmett was still the most laid-back and relaxed person in the house. Maybe his attitude would rub off on Jasper, and that would definitely be a good thing.

Yes, it wasn't a big secret that Jasper was despite his decision to go out still feeling very nervous and more than likely contemplating on deciding against it and postponing it to next year... or the one after that. He was too concerned for his family and felt that he was the weakest link, even though nobody else would ever see him that way. Unfortunately it was hard to convince him of what they were truly thinking when he refused to listen when it came to that.

It would break Carlisle and Esme's heart if he would really decide against going out because of his self-doubts, as they really wanted for their son to enjoy himself - and additionally their little Alice would be so incredibly sad. No, they wanted to support their boy as much as possible, and even though Emmett sometimes had trouble taking anything seriously, he was still a wonderful brother and the right person for Jasper to spend some time with in order to get him to loosen up and have fun.

"_A horse is a horse, of course, of course..._," Emmett sang animately, enjoying the show in a way a little child would enjoy a cartoon at 6 am in the morning.

Jasper sat on the couch behind him, quietly laughing as he felt his brother's joy about the show surge through him like it was his own.

That surely was more relaxing and entertaining than Edward's whims. Jasper wasn't biased or was down on his younger brother, but Edward could really ruin anyone's mood if he wanted to.

Just yesterday when he was about to get intimate with his wife, Edward had tried to disturb them with his music. Having some nice background tunes was actually adding to a romantic atmosphere and to be honest it was understandable that the boy would try to tone everyone else out, but naturally it always depended on the volume and the type of music.

Alice had spent more time glaring at the wall that separated their rooms and letting out little threatening – yet incredibly adorable – growls instead of focussing on her husband, so that in the end Jasper had decided for them to spend the night sitting on the couch in the living room talking to Rose and Em.

"Em, ssh," Jasper whispered in between little snorts of laughter, "you know Esme is a little annoyed."

And oh boy was she annoyed. This was the third time that Alice had warned Emmett about a pop quiz, and of course he would have failed miserably today as he refused to waste more time than necessary on reading books for school and studying. And before he would fail yet again, Carlisle let him stay home on this day so he could use the time catching up. But all Emmett had been doing for the last couple of hours was catching up on TV shows and new episodes and maybe _glancing_ at his books lying on the coffee table behind him. No need to say that Jasper sent calming waves over to his mother, but let his brother be.

"Hey, don't tell me you don't like Mr. Ed," he laughed and looked over his shoulder at his brother, completely ignoring his remark. "It's a horse... you're Texan, you love horses."

"I like horses, I don't love them," Jasper pointed out while leaning back on the mossy green sofa and crossing his legs.

Emmett rolled his eyes. "If you had a horse like that, wouldn't you love it? That's ridiculous, Mr. Ed is cool!"

"And here I thought you were more the Flipper kind of person."

"That's Edward. I bet he wishes to be a boring dolphin himself," Emmett muttered, then started laughing when he heard Jasper cracking up. "I mean, why else is he refusing to join us this Saturday? He's a drag..."

"He said we shouldn't go either. That was rather strange... he was in such a bad mood and then told us we shouldn't go," Jasper told him with a frown, wondering what was wrong with the bronze-haired lad. "Maybe I should listen to him."

Emmett's eyes were impossibly wide when he turned his head to stare at him. "Listen to Edward and miss a cool party? Pfft, right."

"I never made the decision to go in the first place, so-" "So you want to listen to Edward," Emmett finished for him, then pushed his tongue against the inside of his cheek before letting out a long sigh. "Shouldn't you trust your wife _who can see the future_? Or maybe trust us to handle everything, so that you can have a fun night out? I swear, Jazz, I need you, man. I spent so much time with just the girls and Edward in tow who, by the way, behaves like a girl as well, that I am begging you not to change your mind again. It's going to be great, _nothing will happen._"

"There is no guarantee that nothing will happen, Emmett."

"Uh!" Emmett exclaimed and rolled over onto his side, looking at his brother with bright eyes that let him know that he had an idea - probably an idea he deemed to be absolutely brilliant and perfect but that actually really wasn't. "How about I pick up some random person from the street and bring it here? Then we'll see what you do. If something happens," he said, then let his voice drop to a whisper before adding darkly, "nobody will ever know."

When Jasper just blinked at him, trying to figure out what kind of animals his brother must have been drinking lately, Emmett just winked and nodded his head.

"I won't take the risk."

"But nobody will know!" Emmett argued.

Jasper just tzked and crossed his arms over his chest, looking away.

"Hm...," Emmett muttered before snapping his head back around, showering his brother with his excitement once more. "Let's just make the decision... if Alice comes running home, we'll know that following through with this won't end well."

Jasper shook his head, his lips formed into a smirk he wasn't able to suppress as the idea was absolutely preposterous. "Emmett, that's really stupid. Nobody knows when she would have that vision, and maybe she'll be too late."

"Hm..." Emmett thought about it once more before his face suddenly lit up again. "Uh! How about I take someone... but leave the person in the basement? As soon as Alice is here, we'll go see the human and you can... sniff it and... pet it or something."

_Pet a human?_ "I don't think so."

"I think it would work."

"And I think Carlisle and Esme wouldn't be happy to see you kidnapping random people and putting them in our basement for later. I'm sure that would only lead to you bending over Carlisle's desk."

"I would tie the human to a chair, of course," Emmett told him while rolling his eyes, sounding like he thought his brother was a tad bit daft. _Of course_ he wouldn't just put a human in the basement and let it roam around. Pfft, that's stupid.

Jasper covered his eyes with one of his hands, shaking his head like he couldn't believe they were actually having a conversation like this. "Emmett."

He groaned, growing frustrated with his constantly doubting brother. "Oh come on, we'll just take another Scrooge."

"_Emmett!_"

Both boys started at the sound and stared in the direction the voice had come from. The only person that was home with them was Esme, and weirdly enough it had sounded suspiciously like her.

"Mom?" Emmett called back, but he suddenly sounded meek and not as confident as he had just seconds before.

"_What did I just hear you say?_" she asked from the adjoining room.

"I was just kidding, Mom, really!"

"_I hope you were, Emmy. That wasn't a very good idea._"

"You are right, Mom, it wasn't," Emmett said dutifully but rolled his eyes, then cracked a smile at his brother. "It was a _brilliant_ idea," he whispered.

Jasper shook his head, but enjoyed his brother's presence and his glee. Today it became apparent that having a sibling home with him was almost like a blessing. Normally he was alone with Esme, but having her home had turned into a naturalness so that he barely felt her presence anymore. Usually she busied herself doing the housework like cleaning up and doing laundry, and she was always humming and feeling quite relaxed and content. Then she read or watched TV with him, but her emotions were so stable and felt so natural to him that they were like an addition to his own. Like a supplement, but nothing more.

Emmett's influence on a boring day like this was noticeable, and he couldn't complain. It was new, it was exciting, it took the boring daily grind away and made him feel more like having a social life - the social life of a teenager. Young and carefree, happy and a tad goofy... who wouldn't want that? It was easy and comfortable - a lot more stress free than having to worry about accidentally killing someone. Jasper snorted at the thought - _as if a human teenager would ever worry about accidentally killing someone... haha._

But then he couldn't help but wonder why Emmett - who was a mere child in comparison to him and who had also fed on humans before - didn't seem to have any difficulties when it came to suppressing his thirst for human blood. The boy enjoyed this fake life they were leading, he loved everything a regular teenager would and he was always so much at ease that it was hard to imagine that he had ever tried the deliciousness that was real blood.

Maybe his way of hunting helped – he always looked for the biggest animals he could find, then fought with them for a while before he would sink his teeth into the neck and satiate his thirst with fresh, hot blood. The red nourishing fluid would be laced with adrenaline and he knew that it would be more satiating, at least it was that way with human blood.

_Yes_, Jasper thought, _that's what I will do before the party. I'll catch a few animals in the forest, play with them and then kill them slowly._

A good hunt usually served to satisfy his hunting instincts, but he hadn't tried to play with his food before. Maybe that was the trick.

"How about we go on a hunt this Saturday?" Jasper asked his brother.

"Sure, I could use some deer," Emmett replied before laughing out as he had found a scene especially funny.

"That horse...," he mumbled while shaking his head, still laughing to himself.

_Maybe I should focus on his and Alice's emotions while at the party_, Jasper thought. _Maybe it would distract me enough and make me feel at ease so that I really won't have to worry about any weak moments I might have._ He really didn't want to let them down, and he really didn't want to let himself down.

The sound of a car coming closer to the house distracted him for a moment and he glanced at the clock on the wall to check the time. So his cheerful wife and his siblings were coming home.

Just a few moments later and he heard the front door open before a little black-haired whirlwind appeared right before him, kissing his lips and flinging her arms around his neck. "You had a good day! I knew you would have, Jazzy, you're excited for the weekend," she exclaimed with a huge smile on her lips. The smile dropped from her face not even a second later when she heard her moody brother enter the house, humming _Mean Woman Blues, _which made her roll her eyes. It was one of the songs he had played the night before and it looked like he was still not done bugging them.

Jasper felt his wife's annoyance and chuckled as he guessed that attending classes with Edward today might have stressed her a little. "Your day hasn't been as good as mine, I assume?"

She shrugged her shoulders, then sat down in his lap and leaned against his chest.

"And my day has been great, thanks for asking, Al!" Emmett remarked while glancing over his shoulder at the petite girl.

"I already know that, Em, I_ saw_ it," she told him with a giggle, making him grin.

When the door opened and Edward walked into the living room, Emmett's grin just grew broader. "Look who's coming home... _it is the famous Mr. Ed!_"

* * *

**Yep, a short little chapter so we can jump right to the weekend in the next one! I just wrote this chapter and wanted to update now so you wouldn't have to wait too long. Hope you liked TV time with our two favourite Cullen boys ;-) Fine, I know you love Carlisle... he might be back in the next chapter, so don't worry! :D**


	6. Chapter 6

Jasper let out a silent sigh as he entered his and Alice's room after saying good bye to her. The next few hours would be quiet again, too quiet for him.

He usually welcomed the silence when he wanted to read, but it could be oppressing and dreadful as well when he had nothing to keep himself occupied with. Sure, there were tons of things a young man like him could do, but sometimes he just craved his wife's presence and nothing else.

He inhaled deeply to let the scent of his beautiful, little pixie wash over him and comfort him while she wasn't here, and he immediately felt a little better. When he took another step further into the room however, something on the bed caught his eye and suddenly a long groan escaped him.

On his side of the bed were clothes for him to wear and he was certain that Alice had been the one to put them there. It was the outfit for the party - the red shirt and a pair of black slacks. She had put a little bottle of perfume next to it, but he just shook his head as he noticed it lying there.

It wasn't even Saturday yet.

Her excitement must have taken over again, but he was already used to it by now - there was just no stopping her.

Or maybe his mate had just needed something to busy herself with while she felt so annoyed with Edward. They usually got along so well and were really close – yes, Jasper had no trouble feeling the true sibling love between them which had quickly built when they had joined this family. Right now something was a little off, but he had his mind on other things and did not feel the need to worry about their quarrel as well.

He glanced at the perfume again and clenched his jaw - she should know that he wasn't a fan of artificial smells. Of course the perfumes she bought were all natural substances and actually quite expensive, but he was still not happy to see it lying there.

Especially the thought of using it for the party made him tense up as he stood there by the bed. He guessed that Alice wanted him to use it so he would smell it for the entire time he was among humans and wouldn't be able to pick up their smells so easily, but it would also keep him from smelling his beautiful wife's scent which always served to calm him. Additionally, his siblings wore the smell of home - calmness, happiness and secureness were what he associated with this scent, and he really wanted to have that surrounding him instead of having the sharp smell of perfume burn at his nose. So if he had to decide what would help him most... he'd say being able to smell his family was more important to him than not being able to smell any humans or smelling nothing else at all.

He didn't like berating his smart and beautiful wife, but he would have to ask her not to use any of this herself - just in case she was planning on wearing some. Why she would ever consider using substances that only served to cover up or even ruin her scent, he would never understand.

Shaking his head lightly, he made his way back to the door so he could leave the room. Sooner or later - at least that what it seemed like - he would have to get used to humans again and he realised it now as the day of the party was getting close. Humans would surround him and naturally, they would think that he was one of them. Human, young, carefree. Maybe broody just like Edward was, eventually a little shy or arrogant - who cared. As long as they wouldn't know his true nature, wouldn't find out what they really were, the family should be fine. IF he wouldn't lose it again, that is.

Then they would hopefully never find out.

Jasper reached the hallway and Alice's scent was still so heavy in the air, he could follow her trail down the stairs and out of the house and wherever else she had been just now. Heck, he could easily find his way to school with his eyes closed with this wonderful scent guiding him. Alice was incredible and wonderful and so unique, and she was _his wife_ - he still didn't understand how he could ever be so lucky to have met her after all the things he had done in his life. He had tortured and tyrannised, killed and destroyed - but here he was: in a house full of loving people who had taken him and his wife in without a second thought.

They still believed in him even though he had made them move several times already - but they did not care that he was more trouble than he was worth. The emotions coming off his new parents had never been snubbing or careless. They were truly happy that he and Alice were a part of their family now, and they did not regret having allowed them into their hearts and their home. So many years had passed since the last time he was allowed to feel the love of a parent, and he would have never believed how much he had actually missed it. He was an adult, a soldier, and he had lived so many years already... but Carlisle and Esme had brought back these feelings of secureness and unconditional love that had always surrounded him throughout his childhood.

His ears picked up a sound and he turned his head in the direction it was coming from. It wasn't hard to guess who it was now that his wife, his siblings and his father had left the house.

Esme came up the stairs carrying a laundry basket in her arms and as soon as she reached the upper step, her face brightened up with one of her loving smiles.

"Are you all right, honey? Do you need anything?"

He let out a short chuckle as she constantly asked everyone this question. "No, Esme, I'm fine."

Tilting her head to the side, she looked back at him. "We could go hunting if you like. Just give me half an hour to finish the laundry and then we can leave."

He distorted his mouth a little. "I was planning on going for a hunt tomorrow before the...," he said awkwardly as the thought was pushing itself back to the forefront of his mind and he just trailed off at the end.

She stepped up to him, put the basket on the floor and placed a hand on his upper arm, rubbing it comfortingly. "Before the party? That's a great idea. Is someone coming with you?" she asked and glanced up at him with curious eyes.

He had feared that he would insult her by not agreeing to her nice offer, but she did not seem like she would mind that he was going with someone else. That was good to know, because then he wouldn't have to worry about it anymore. "I asked Emmett and he said he would come."

She laughed as she heard that. "As if my big boy would ever say no to a hunt. Are you looking for bears?"

"Hm, maybe," he replied. "Whatever puts up a fight."

"Ah." She nodded knowingly before letting out a sigh when her eyes fell on the basket she had put on the floor just moments ago. "Do you need me to wash anything for you, Jasper? I was just going through the rooms to collect some dirty laundry for washing."

"No, thank you. But tomorrow after the hunt."

"And before the party," she added with a raised finger and a smile. Her eyes twinkled when she looked at him, and he could feel so much happiness and pride coming off of her. He had been so sure that he couldn't possibly be the cause for these emotions of hers that she was experiencing for a while now, not after everything he had done to them. But right now she was directing these feelings at him.

It felt so good to feel the love of a mother, to make her proud and see her happy. He had never wanted to disappoint her in the first place, but he was sure that he had done so many times already. Too many times.

For a moment his mind went blank as he got the feeling that maybe she was just giving him yet another chance. Sooner or later these constant chances she and Carlisle were giving him would be used up.

He couldn't let them down again.

And he couldn't let his wife down again.

He dreaded the moment she would see how his lousy self-control was threatening the security she has found here with this family. She had told him how lost she had felt when she first woke up in a field after the change. She had been all alone with no knowledge of where or what she was – she didn't even know _who_ she was. All she remembered was her first name.

Driven by hunger she had killed and aimlessly roamed the country with visions of people she had never met, showing her a possible future that brought hope to her lonely heart. She didn't think she belonged anywhere until her visions had led her to him, and then helped them find their future coven and family where they would find security, happiness and a sense of belonging.

His loving mate had no memory of her previous life - not even the tiniest glimpse of her past revealed itself to her like it was supposed to remain a mystery for all eternity. He didn't know if that was sad, or if it was better that way – all he knew was that he could never square it with his conscience to deprive her of what they had found here as this was the safest choice for both of them, especially for her.

The smile disappeared from Esme's face and she looked at him with concern thick in her golden eyes. "What's wrong, love?" she asked worriedly. "You are projecting."

He tensed up when she said that, and without noticing he held his breath which made him seem even more tense.

He had never meant for her to feel his doubts and worry, to burden her with this annoying habit of his to overthink everything and letting her suffer for his lack of control over the influence of his gift.

It had gotten worse lately and now he realised that he really needed something to distract himself enough so he would hopefully be more in control and focus on other things than worrying.

"Oh Jasper, I'm sorry," she suddenly murmured.

He focussed his eyes on her and frowned, but the sudden change must have alarmed her as she took a step back, staring at him with wide eyes.

"You are sorry for what, Esme? You didn't do anything," he told her.

She relaxed slightly at his words, heaving a sigh despite the frown that was still etched across her son's face. "I did not mean to sound accusing or anything like that. I was just worried."

"Worried?"

The emotions coming off her were clearly showing him that she was feeling worried, but also slightly embarrassed. Jasper did not understand why.

She looked apologetically up at him. "I thought you weren't feeling well," she muttered. "You know you can talk to me, don't you, Jazzy?"

"Sure," he said tonelessly.

He was confusing her. He was clearly confusing her, because otherwise she would have told him what was really worrying her. If he was projecting at a relaxed moment like this while he was at home with Esme, then what was going to happen if he was surrounded by lots of strangers in a place he did not know?

"Come," she suddenly said and the smile that appeared on her face did not just lighten up the hallway, but also the atmosphere in the house and his mood.

He blinked his eyes, but looked after her when she walked down the hall and turned around once to wave him closer when he just remained standing there at the door of his and Alice's room. "Come," she said again, then turned back around and started descending the stairs.

It was quite obvious that he did not understand what his mother was getting at or what she had in store for him, but after another moment of hesitation he slowly followed after her.

Her sweet scent led him down the stairs and through the foyer into the living room, where he found her standing by the shelves that were heavily laden with books and pictures.

Jasper did not know why she wanted him to follow her and why she stood there by the shelves, but he knew that she was feeling oddly content. A little tingling sensation, like she was internally chuckling joined in, and he found himself losing the frown that was etched upon his forehead which seemed to be one of the reasons for her amusement.

"I'm not going to bite, love, come here," she said with a little smile.

He approached her slowly, looking apprehensive. Despite the time that had passed, he was still feeling somewhat uncomfortable and on alert when he was facing something unknown. He knew it wasn't going to be anything bad or threatening - this was Esme and she seemed relaxed and in a good mood, and she had never once tried to fool him or acted differently than what her emotions would suggest.

Coming to a halt just a few feet from her, she gave him a little nod, before reaching past one of their fake family pictures that were meant to fool humans if they would, for whatever reason, enter their house and were supposed to find the typical, cosy little home of an average middle-class family.

She grabbed a thin envelope and pulled it out from between two books that looked like they were thick, old novels. With ease she fished the documents from the envelope and then held them in her hands, looking up at him.

"These are houses we own or consider buying," she told him when he just stared at her.

"Some are hidden deep in the forest, some are located in a bit more suburban area. Different houses, different styles, different locations."

She had expected him to say something, or at least show some kind of reaction, but neither his face nor his gift betrayed him and gave her a hint of what was going on inside her boy's head.

Sighing, she walked past him and sat down on their comfortable couch, patting a spot on the sitting surface next to her and looking expectantly up at him.

He started to feel like an idiot as he just could not imagine what she was trying to tell him with that. Or why she would keep documents like these in the living room instead of in Carlisle's office or hidden in one of their 'secret' drawers. But nevertheless, he followed suit and sat down next to her, then looked at the deeds of ownership and documents with house information she was holding in her hands.

"See?" she asked and held one sheet up for him to look at.

He scanned over the details of a house in Ohio, then glanced back at her face, still wondering what she was trying to tell him with that. Was she going to make him choose a house so they could go on with their lives and he wouldn't threaten their safety anymore as he would live far, far away from them? Well, she just said that some were hidden deep in the forest... that would be perfect to hide a dangerous creature like him. Yes, it started to make sense now. The party was going to be some kind of test, a trial, and if he wasn't going to pass they would get rid of him.

Her maternal care shone through by that act and he had to admit that even though he felt a pang of hurt of seeing that he wouldn't be welcome anymore, he also felt a sense of thankfulness that she would make sure he wouldn't have to lead the nomad life again.

For a short moment a sense of fury bubbled up and burned his throat as it was trying to coax a growl from him when he realised that maybe they didn't want him to be a nomad because that would mean they might cross paths again. If he was to choose a house of theirs, they would always know where he was and that would minimise the risk of having him expose them.

He found that that was actually a smart move, and he had to admit that he would have just destroyed the one who would pose a threat to his coven, but of course he was thankful that they wouldn't burden his Alice with the loss of her mate.

Alice.

No, they would not take her from him! He knew she was safe here with them, but he would not let that happen. _Never_.

The fury that had already diminished was coming back full force and when he felt that it reached his eyes and more than likely tinted them black, Esme's soft voice caught his attention.

"Oh Jasper," she tzked and shook her head disapprovingly. He could feel a hint of nervousness rolling off of her, but the annoyance she felt with herself was stronger.

"I am showing you this to hopefully alleviate your doubts and not to make them worse. I am not trying to insult you or make you nervous. And I would never doubt my own son, Jasper," she said while looking him deep in the eye.

Her words were like a soothing balm to his ragged emotions and thoughts, and while his eyes slowly changed back to a lighter colour, she gave him an apologetic as well as an embarrassed smile. "These are our family homes, and we will always live there together as a family. No matter what happens. I apologise as I realise now that this comes at the completely wrong time. You must think I am already preparing for us to move because I doubt your self-control. That is wrong, Jazz, please believe me."

He took a deep breath before hanging his head as he was unsure how to react to what she was trying to tell him. He wanted to object, but realised that he only wanted to do so because he was convinced his self-control wasn't strong enough. His mother clearly did not doubt his ability to keep his cool around humans for a second.

"Some of these houses we have had for over twenty years, longer than we know you. We have always had several so we could move whenever we felt it safer to settle down in a new place for whatever reason. I wanted you to see them so you would realise that we are always prepared - that is what we have always done. That is why we are able to live our lives this way. It's simply a safety measure and not a proof of our doubts or mistrust."

She was genuine and she did indeed manage to make him feel more at ease. The tension vanished from his body and his shoulders sagged a little, giving him a more relaxed look.

A little laugh rang out, making Esme sound like an excited little girl, and she placed the documents onto the coffee table in front of them in order to quickly search through them. "This is my favourite," she whispered and tapped a sheet of paper with her outstretched index finger.

He suddenly felt so much better, and he started smirking and glanced sideways at her. "Why?"

"It has so much potential. The entrance hall is so beautiful and the house has just the right size for us. It is surrounded by thick woods and_ oh my_, the view! Jazzy, you'll love the view! It's breathtaking even on the ground floor. There is a river going past the house, separating the backyard from the woods... we'll just need to make some changes to the constellation of the rooms. There are several tiny rooms in the house and I would much prefer for it to be friendlier, more open. I don't want to live in a dark cave, that's not us," she told her son, shaking her head lightly.

"That sounds wonderful, Esme," he agreed. Her excitement for this house was quite contagious, especially when you're an empath.

"Unfortunately we need to wait a little longer as we used to live in that area about thirty years ago," she told him and let out a deep sigh. "But that just gives me more time to make plans for the renovations and rebuilding."

"Esme... may I ask you a question?"

She looked at him and nodded. "Anything, dear."

"Why do you spend so much time looking for houses and renovating them when we are constantly running the risk of having to move?" he asked her, then averted his eyes as he realised he was only asking because he was once again talking about himself and his bloodlust.

She sighed, then reached out and gently gripped his chin in between her fingers to turn his head back to her so he would have to look at her. "Living in empty halls or dilapidated houses isn't helping anyone. We need this as a cover and just like everybody else we _deserve_ to have a place where we feel comfortable and at home. We cannot constantly put ourselves down for what we are. We cannot change it, so we have to accept it. Our instincts are a part of us, but so is our will. You are trying so hard, Jasper, I can see that every single day. What more can you ask of yourself?"

"I just don't want to fail this coven, endanger my mate or anyone else," Jasper said in an oddly emotionless voice, like he couldn't allow himself to show his mother how deep his unwillingness to admit to his fears and therefore show weakness was rooted. He didn't want to appear weak, but Esme's gentle, motherly way of talking to him somehow made him open up to her and talk about it.

"There is no reason to be nervous or afraid. We take care of each other and you are never alone, dear. There is a strength from the bottom of your heart, the urge to protect and to live a life in peace - and that's what matters and what bonds us together as a family, Jazzy."

"You really have no doubts," he stated matter-of-factly.

She looked him deep in the eye and smiled. "Not a single one."

* * *

**Jasper... *sigh* He is worrying too much... but in the next chapter it's finally time for the partay, weee! I'm excited for that, hope you are too ;-) (But Jasper isn't, obviously.)**

**And OMG, an Emmy-free chapter! O.O I thought it was not possible but I guess I was wrong, LOL**

**I am so sorry that the updates take so long, but I managed to use up all my Internet gb pretty early last month (it's supposed to be unlimited, gah!) and am also working on Emmy's story to keep him occupied. Right now I have the feeling that it is working (at least it seems like it... still - keep your fingers crossed!)... but Edward is constantly trying to take over the reins in that story and make it his so he and I are having a little battle of wills. I'll update that story later today, btw *grins***

**Thanks for reading!**


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